


Don't Do It, Please

by Lunar_Viper



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Ash is the one hurting, Depression, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, tw: suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21713116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunar_Viper/pseuds/Lunar_Viper
Summary: The weight of being the “Chosen One” was crushing him and it was quickly becoming suffocating with every legendary he’s met. He nearly broke down at the sight of Tapu Koko when he met them days prior but there they were and challenged him to a battle. Later that night when he was alone--not even Pikachu was there--he broke down. This cycle was repeating for the seventh time. Why? Why did Arceus hate him so much? How much would it cost him for this cycle to finally end?**Based off the song "My R"**
Relationships: Gen | Riley and Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Kasumi | Misty & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Kukui-hakase | Professor Kukui & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum and Iris
Comments: 1
Kudos: 105





	Don't Do It, Please

Ash sighed tiredly and swallowed the lump growing in his throat. He looked out towards the end of the cliff. He felt the lump coming back and tears starting to form, he felt numb but he still felt a large ache. The weight of being the “Chosen One” was crushing him and it was quickly becoming suffocating with every legendary he’s met. He nearly broke down at the sight of Tapu Koko when he met them days prior but their they were and challenged him to a battle. Later that night when he was alone--not even Pikachu was there--he broke down. This cycle was repeating for the seventh time. Why? Why did Arceus hate him so much? He was sick of being the one stuck with saving the world every time he left home. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The wind was strong and comforting, the opposite of his current state of mind. He opened his eyes to see the familiar sight of red hair. It was messy and the wind made it messier, but he didn’t care. He just cared about why she was here.  
“M-Misty? What are you doing here?” he asks weakly. He gave her a confused look and became worried. She was close to the edge and was crying.  
Misty whipped her head around for their eyes to meet. His tired, dead looking eyes meeting her teary, cyan eyes, “Oh... Ash, I wasn’t expecting to see you here…” she said softly.  
“Is everything okay? Why are you crying?”  
She shook her head softly. “The gym has become too much stress for me. My sisters refuse to help and constantly throw insults at me for not being just like them, they don’t?much for me anymore. It feels… like no one cares for me anymore,” she said with a sad smile. She looked towards the edge and took a step closer.  
Ash panicked and grabbed her arm. “Misty, it’s not worth it! Please, people still care for you and think you’re great! Misty, you’re a great gym leader no matter what your sisters say!” Ash yelled tearfully. Misty was his first friend in years, he couldn’t she? her jump, “Please… it’s not worth it. So many people care for you! I care for you!”  
“Then why did everyone leave me, Ash?” she yelled, “No one cares about me! Don’t you see it?!”  
“No, I don’t,” he said, swallowing the lump and putting on a bold face, “I care for you so much! You’re one of my first friends and I can’t lose you! Y-you’re like a sister to me,” he said as he started to sob.  
“Let go Ach. Why can’t you see that people don’t care for me?”  
“Because people do! I’m sorry I left you Misty! Oh I’m so sorry!” he sobbed, “Please, don’t… don’t jump.”  
Misty smiled and let him pull her away. “O-okay,” she said softly, “I shouldn’t let them get me down for something like this, I’ll show them I’m just as good as them in my own way. Don’t do anything reckless while we’re apart.” She pulled him into a tight hug, but Ash couldn’t feel it. Was he really becoming so numb that he couldn’t even feel his own friend’s own touch?  
He ignored it and returned the hug. “I won’t,” he said as he smiled, “So many of us care about you even if your sisters don’t.”  
“Thank you Ash, you should get back to Professor Kukui now,” she said. How did she know he was staying with Professor Kukui? He never told her before. He let go and watched as she walked back to the city. The moment he blinked, Misty was gone as if she was never there. He looked around, what happened to her? He knew she was just here… right? He looked back towards the cliff and frowned. He needed to hold on, there was no sign that he’d have to save Alola yet, there was no reason to be stressed. He sighed and walked back to the city, back to Pikachu and Kukui.

*********

It was a mid spring night, hot and humid, but he felt only numbness and the lump in his throat returning. He had to save Alola, there was no denying it now. He felt like breaking down and crying out everything he felt. He found himself back at the ledge, the same one on Route One and the same one he met Misty on. The Legendaries hated him, didn’t they? Solgaleo and Lunala entrusted him with Cosmog in a dream which was the first sign and then he physically found Cosmog on his way to school, the final sign that it was the same cycle as last time. He couldn’t swallow the lump away this time, the feeling of it and the numbness suffocated him. He looked longingly at the tip of the edge. He didn’t want to feel it anymore. He was sick of having to be happy all the time but he didn’t want his parents to know and worry about him; he caused them enough grief as it is. He let out a choked out sob and fell to the ground. He took deep breaths and wiped the tears from his eyes. Once again, someone was on the edge when he opened his eyes. It was Iris and he started crying again. Why was she here? Why was she close to the edge? She’s only fifteen!  
“I-Iris! What Are you doing?!” Ash sobbed.  
“No one loves me, they all want me gone, and my parents had already left me,” she said, tears threatening to spill. “I might as well go so no one leaves me again. I’m just a burden to everyone and I just get people in trouble.” Her words were a punch to the face. He knew how it felt to be a burden, he felt it every time someone cried over him. When he was in the hospital, when he was sick, and even just a few minutes ago. He folded his hands into fists. Iris was so young and she had made so many friends, how could she feel like this?  
“Iris, that’s not true. You’re not a burden,” Ash said as he walked up to her.  
She glared at him. “Do you know all the trouble I caused Drayden?! My parents left me because I was nothing more than a burden to them! I was a burden to you and Cilan too!”  
“No you weren’t, Iris! Drayden never once said you were a burden to him and he treats you like his granddaughter. Who cares about what your parents said?! They missed out on seeing you grow up into the person you are today!” Ash says, “No one thinks of you as a burden!”  
“Then what about my aunt and uncle? Why didn’t they take me in when my parents left me? Why was it the village elders?” Iris sobbed. She was slowly getting closer to the edge and Ash was scared. Just weeks prior, Misty was in Iris’s place and he was scared for her just as he was scared for Iris.  
“I-I don’t know… sometimes people are just cruel, but that doesn’t make you a burden, Iris,” Ash said, gripping his arm tightly. His nails dug into his skin, causing it to bleed and leave angry, red marks. “Drayden never once said you were a burden, Iris. You were never a burden to us, too. We had fun traveling with you and I don’t think I would’ve had the chances I had if I didn’t meet you and Cilan probably wouldn’t have been able to leave his gym if it weren’t for you.” She stared at him, tears streaming down her face. She wasn’t sure what to believe. One of her few friends, or the thoughts her mind fed her when she thought about her parents. Ash slowly started to walk up to her. He softly grabbed her arm and tried leading her away from the edge.  
“Let me go! Why can’t you see it, Ash? I’m just a burden and you can’t change it!” she yelled angrily. Ash flinched at her voice but pulled her into a tight hug and let her cry on his shoulder. “It’s unfair! It’s unfair! Everyone says I’m not a burden, they keep lying to me!” She sobbed as she beat her fists against his chest. Ash should have felt the tears and the pain from her fists, but he didn’t. He just felt nothing but the wind. Why was it always like this when he sees someone up here? Why did he only feel the numbing feeling of self-hate and stress?  
“Iris, it… it’s going to be okay,” he whispered, “You’re not a burden, you’re my friend and people love and cherish you. Your parents were dumb and missed out on so much. I know it. I know that you’re going to be the best Dragon Trainer and that Drayden’s proud of you, even now.”  
Her sobs softened and she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I-I’m so sor-”  
“No, you don’t need to be sorry for anything.”  
“Ash, is.. Is it okay if I call you from time to time?” she asked softly.  
“Yeah, of course!” She hugs him tightly and smiled softly at him. This was one of the times he took notice of her height. He wasn’t much taller than her. It reminded him that she was so young; He was short for his age and seeing Iris almost to his height hurt him. She was young and yet she felt like a waste of space and a burden. The wind blew by, blowing pollen and leaves into their faces. He turned away and sneezed but when he turned back, Iris was gone. It was just like what happened with Misty and he hated it. Every time one of his friends was here, they disappeared into thin air shortly after appearing. He fell to the ground and cried, no one stayed and his friends were hurting. He hated it and wanted to stop but Acreus never allowed that.

*********

Ash found himself at a cliff again, this time on the outskirts of KoniKoni City. He ran into Tapu Lele this time and he now knew completely that it was his job to save Alola from something. He gripped his arms tightly and dug his nails into them, wishing to feel something other than numbness and the lump in his throat. He started to wear a long sleeved jacket, nothing that would make him overheat. It was one that kept him from getting cold when he was numb and hid the small, thin scars that started to show up on his arms. He stared into the sky, watching the sunset. He didn’t cry. He just felt numb and the lump was there constantly. Every time he was upset, he came to the cliff. And every time he came to the ledge, he saw an old friend.  
“Work’s getting to me, I’m starting to burn out,” he remembered Cilan and Clemont saying.  
“Dad’s not home much anymore and mom’s been difficult,” May had told him, “I want things to go back to normal.”  
“I can’t live up to all their expectations, Ash. Everyone wants me to be like mom but I want to be my own person and make a name for myself,” Dawn cried to him.  
“Ash, what if I turn into my parents when I get married and have kids? What if I can’t reach my dreams?” Brock asked him.  
It was the same thing each time. Every time he looked to the ledge, one of his friends appeared with a problem of their own, all wanting to leave. He talked to them all through it, but every time he did, the numbness became worse and the lump got larger and harder to ignore. He knew to put his friends before himself, he would do so gladly… but the stress of being the Chosen One made his will to live leave. He was sick of having to save region after region ever since he was ten. No one he’s known had been stuck with this fate. He no longer felt like crying and no longer felt something holding him back from going to the edge.  
He started walking towards it and looked down. It was a long fall that would scare anyone, but Ash no longer felt that fear. No one really cared about him anymore, he was a burden to everyone he met. Being the Chosen One made him dread leaving Kanto more and more, which made him wish to stop traveling. Everyone wanted him to be like his father, people only ever saw him for his father, but his dad hasn’t been home much since he was seven, and he’s worried he’ll be like that to his family. All the feelings were consuming him and making him numb. He lacked his normal enthusiasm and lost his appetite completely, only sometimes eating lunch when the others pushed him to eat. Professor Kukui was at a complete loss because it had been so sudden and Ash sounded nothing like the teen Delia told him about. Ash told him he was fine every time he asked and it got to the point Kukui just stopped. Ash took a deep breath and started walking towards the cliff but the wind blew him back slightly and he covered his eyes to keep himself from getting dust and debris in them. There in front of him now was Riley.  
“Riley? What are you doing here?” he asked. Riley shouldn’t be here… should he? He didn’t know much about him yet here he was, but why? It’s not like he was as close of a friend like the others.  
“I needed some air outside the city… I thought I saw someone I didn’t want to,” he says, tugging on his sleeves to hide his arms. He seemed on edge and antsy. “I had a lot of trouble at home as a kid, I thought I saw my father and was worried he’d hurt me again.”  
Ash just glanced at him, Riley was starting to lose his calm and it was clear. He kept shifting his weight, messing with his arms, and would tug on his sleeves. “I-I’m sorry.”  
“It’s fine, I’m used to it. Half the time it’s just my mind that makes me see them,” he gave a nervous laugh, “Do you ever worry about being like your dad?”  
“Abandoning my family for work? All the time,” Ash laughed coldly.  
“I wish people stopped seeing me for my family and not expect me to like them. I’m fine with working in the mines but people expect me to keep the job or become college professors like my aunt and uncle,” Riley muttered. “It’s just making me lose interest in things I like.”  
“I know what that feels like,” Ash muttered sadly.  
Riley was standing close to the edge, which made Ash frown. “I don’t want these expectations anymore… I don’t want these memories anymore,” he said softly, tears starting to come down. Ash paused, he doesn’t know Riley well but he’s never seen him like this. He’s upset and close to the edge, taking his place.  
“Don’t do it! Please, it’s not worth it!” Ash yelled. He bit his lip and held his breath as he realized what he said. He was going through similar pains but he wasn’t sure how to help Riley or himself. He just had to go with it now and try to help.  
“W-what?” Riley was taken back by Ash’s shout.  
“Please, don’t. You have people who care about you and want to help you heal,” Ash says softly. “The love of your family is stronger than the pain of your memories. Don’t let it take you down.”  
Riley gave him a tearful frown, “I keep being told that but they just hurt so much. I wake up in the middle of the night and there’s pain I can’t do anything about.”  
“Riley please, it’s not worth it,” Ash says. Riley just nods softly and wipes away his tears. “Why don’t you talk about your family a bit, that might help,” Ash prompted. He stayed quiet, just listening to Riley go on about it. He knew Riley was better now, but the numbness and emptiness was coming back. He took a long sigh and buried his head in his knees. He just wanted a break from all of this and wished for it to be all over. He looked up to see Riley was now gone. He let out a choked sob, he was all alone once again.

*********

No one was here, it was just him on the cliff alone. The same one he met Riley last night and where he was able to help Riley but not himself. Afterwards, he tried to comfort himself, but he couldn’t and felt like he was just lying to himself. He was away from everyone. They didn’t care if he left. No one would nor should they. Ash looked at the edge and walked closer to it. He was numb, bitter, and tired. He didn’t want to go on. Not as a trainer, not as the Chosen One. He hated this feeling and he wanted it gone, he hated how he’s just become nothing more than his own shadow. Arceus allowed this, Arceus can face the consequences, not him. Acreus never helped him, Arceus just caused him pain. He felt fatigued, he hadn’t eaten anything in two days, he felt no urge to eat and the thought was making him sick. He looked to see what was below him and the ledge. It was just rocks and water, if he fell, there’d be no turning back. The pressure and stress was too much, he became numb and became just an empty shell of himself.  
His cheeks felt wet, he touched them and there were tears streaming down them. He didn’t care, though, and carried on with his attempt. He felt the wind blow through his hair--the only thing that had brought him any comfort--as he took off his jacket. He was about to take the final step but the fear came crashing at him. He was too far now and his vision went black from the fatigue. He heard someone yelling at him before he fell unconscious. He was oblivious to someone’s worried cry and some deliberately going after him.

*********

There was the mechanical beep of the heart monitor that rang throughout the hospital room. Ash laid on the bed with an IV in his arm and the heart monitor hooked up to him. Some of his family and past friends were sitting around him, wishing for him to get better and to wake up. It was Professor Kukui and Riley who found him right before he fell. It had been Riley who jumped off the cliff to grab him. He took most of the damage but all he needed was for his bones to be reset or his shoulder and hip to be relocated. Ash, on the other hand, stayed unconscious and showed signs of malnourishment, alongside a sprained ankle and broken arm. He wasn’t showing many signs of waking up and most were in a panic due to this. Kukui was still trying to figure out how to explain this to the boy’s parents. Even then, he had little to no knowledge about why it happened. He knew the boy came home looking as if he was crying sometimes and lately, he had just been completely out of it. Kukui knew he should’ve said something earlier, but he believed that Ash was just tired, like he had been saying.  
He only knew something was very wrong when he left the group without Pikachu, and Pikachu got so antsy to the point that he ran into someone and got that person to come with him. It had been Riley. He listened to the scared and worried Pokémon when he ran up to him. They saw Ash at the edge of the cliff and yelled for him when he was about to fall but he didn’t listen. Riley chased after him and grabbed his arm but fell too. He was hanging onto the edge and gripping Ash’s wrist tightly as he tried to pull them both back up, but he had lost his grip. It was the adrenaline and fear that made Kukui call out Braviary and have him catch the two. When he got to the two, they were both at the bottom and Riley had been curled around Ash. Both were bloodied and scraped up, but Riley had broken bones while Ash was still completely unconscious. Braviary had pulled them back up and Kukui helped Riley reset his bones until they could get to a hospital.  
“If you’re blaming yourself,” Riley voiced as he sat with Kukui, “Don’t.”  
“I’m his guardian and both his parents trusted me to take care of him,” Kukui said. He prayed to the Tapus that Ash would wake up. Seeing the boy covered in bandages and bruises hurt him. He was reminded of the fact that he could’ve prevented it.  
“I know when I was younger, I was in a similar condition,” Riley said, “I know what it feels like but I know that this isn’t the way out.”  
“Then why…”  
“Everyone has their reasons. While they aren’t good ones, they still cause them pain,” Riley sighed. Kukui became attentive of the boy again when there was a sharp inhale and the boy started shifting. Three days. It took this boy third days to regain consciousness and wake up.  
Ash groaned softly as he woke up, the bright white room was blinding and he felt disoriented. “W-where…”  
“Ash! Oh thank Arceus you’re up!” Kukui whispered as he stood up. “ Ash, please, never do that again!”  
Ash frowned softly. Had they really intervened? They weren’t allowed to though, they can’t involve themselves with such matters. “What… happened?”  
“You… you jumped off the cliff, Ash. Riley had gone after you so you wouldn’t…” Kukui says, “Why did you do it? Why did you never saying anything?”  
“They’re not allowed to intervene, they can’t intervene with this…” Ash mumbled to himself. “I don’t see why you care, you wouldn’t have to deal with me if you left me fall.”  
“Ash, what are you talking about? Who are ‘they’?” Kukui asks.  
“Arceus and the other Legendaries... They aren’t allowed to stop me if I decide to die.”  
“Ash, what are you-”  
“Ash, what happened? What have they done?” Riley asked as he cut off Kukui.  
“All their problems… I have to solve, ever since I was ten,” Ash says, “They make me solve them everytime I go to a new region. I can’t do anything about it since I’m their Chosen One.”  
“Oh Ash,” Kukui said softly. Was the boy really the one having to solve all these problems? He’s only sixteen, he shouldn’t have to deal with their problems and he shouldn’t feel like death is the only way out.  
“Dad’s never home… and people always expect me to be exactly like him and follow in his footsteps,” He would be in tears by know, but he felt like he could no longer cry. “I’m just a burden to people anyways, especially you two. You should’ve let me fall.”  
“Ash, we both care about you,” Riley said, gripping Ash’s uninjured hand. “I can’t just watch someone kill themselves while knowing that I can do something to prevent it.”  
“You could’ve walked away and ignored me. I don’t see why any of you care.”  
Kukui felt like he was near tears. This boy was completely emotionless now and had no interest in living. Was his father really home so rarely and did people really force expectations onto him? Ash never felt like a burden to him. He was like a son to him, but here he was, an empty shell of himself because of his home life and the Legendaries.  
He tightly hugged Ash and cried, “You’re not a burden, Ash. I’m so sorry, I should’ve done something! I’m so sorry!” he sobbed. Ash just sat there in his arms. He didn’t understand why the professor blamed himself or why he cried. Professor Kukui couldn’t stop the Legendaries; He was foolish for thinking so. He didn’t care enough to ask either, though, so it wasn’t any of his business.  
“Ash, this isn’t how you deal with things,” Riley said, “I know it’s hard, but… you can get through it. If you ever need to talk, you can call me.” Ash just mutely nodded. Riley knew Ash wouldn’t be the same for awhile. He needs to talk to Byron and see if he could stay in Alola a little longer, just so he could help Ash. The boy was hurting and if the pressures he has on him now make him break again, he might not be as lucky to have someone there to help him that next time.  
Ash didn’t like or understand why Riley cared so much. They’ve met each other once or twice prior and even then, they were never close. Riley shouldn’t have to worry about him and yet he did. Ash quietly sat as Kukui cried over him and Riley got up to leave, his eyes blank as he stared at the white sheets. He no longer felt pain, sadness, or happiness- he just felt empty. He wished he wasn’t saved, he wished the cycle stopped but he knew it would never. He’d have to go through it again and again until he truly died and the Legendaries couldn’t stop it anymore. Pikachu walked over to him and nuzzled his hand softly. Ash took this as a sign to pet him and started softly scratching Pikachu behind the ears, wanting to reassure his starter in someway.  
“If it weren’t for Pikachu, we wouldn’t have known until after you jumped,” Kukui murmured, “He was restless while you were gone and since we found you. It’s been hard getting him to eat because he’s been so worried.”  
“I’m sorry,”  
Kukui released him from the tight hug and gripped Ash’s shoulders, “Don’t be. Don’t be sorry for this, Ash.”  
“But all I’ve done has caused you grief,”  
“That doesn’t matter! I’m just relieved you’re alive. That was a fall Riley could only make because of his aura. You wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for him shielding you,” Kukui protested.  
“But-,”  
“No, it’s okay, Ash. I just ask that you talk to me when you’re upset. Please,” Kukui begged. Ash nodded and gave him a questioning look. For someone who’s known him for only slightly more than a month, he cared a lot. Too much if anything. “I’m going to get the doctor and them know you’re up,” Kukui said as he stood up and left.  
Pikachu curled up next to Ash and squealed softly as he scratched his ear. Why did so many people care about him even though all he caused was trouble and grief. That’s why his father left most likely. Riley had left his number next to the vase of flowers that Mallow had brought, which had been on the table next to the hospital bed. There was something from all of his classmates there but he still felt like it was too much to handle for him. Why did they care? They weren’t much of friends, not like Misty and the others. Did they even know? Probably not, if Kukui had yet to tell his own family yet. He layed back down, tired, even though he had just woken up not too long ago. He knew this wouldn’t last long. They’d see him for the burden he is soon enough. Pikachu got up and moved closer to Ash’s face. He curled up next to him and licked his cheek before falling asleep along with Ash. Arceus can wait a little longer before their Chosen is saving the world again.


End file.
